Blood and Bones
by ilovecreekanddipx3
Summary: SCARS RENAMED Mello and Matt both have a problem. Will they cope? Or will their problems spiral out of control? IS BETTER THEN IT SOUNDS. MattxMello Cutting Yaoi Death Note Sexual Themes in later chapters
1. The Begining

_**Warning: May Trigger.  
Rated M for Sexual themes, yaoi, suggestive content and cutting.  
MattxMello  
Death Note (c) Not me.**_

_**Chapter 1 - The begining**_

- - - -

Mellos POV

I'd always wondered what it felt like to cut.

I mean, don't get me wrong here, but. We all wonder at some point in our lives, right? What does it _feel _like? To _bleed_ out your feelings? Why do the people who do it like it so damn much?

I was just curious about stuff like that.

Not untill one day, when i was making myself a peanut butter and jam sandwhich, did the sparkling of the silver knife sitting out on the counter call my name.

The sunlight shined down on it. I completly forgot what i was doing as I slowly stepped towards it. I picked it up, holding it firm in my hand.

_Was i actually going to try this?_

I examined the blade all over, feeling the smooth edges. i pressed it against my finger. not hard enough to break any skin, though. My hand was trembling as i brought the blade to my arm. The cold stainless steel stung my skin as they touched.

All i had to do now was push down, and i did. I sliced a perfect horiztonal cut, and watched it for a moment. Little crimson beads began to appear as the wound tingled. I pressed the razor against my skin again, this time, pushing a little deeper. More blood appeared and flowed smoothly off my wrist. I watched, fasicanted, amazed by how all my thoughts had completly dissapeared for a moment.

I brought myself to think this one thought. The one thought that i had no idea would rule my life for the next few years.

_What happens when this feeling goes away?  
_

_Will i bring myself to do this again?_

No, Mello. Of course not, Thats silly. This was a one time thing.

But i heard a little voice in the back of my head murmur:

_Was it?  
_

And thats how it all got started...

And yet, 4 years had past, but why was i still doing it? I wasn't addicted to it. I could stop if i wanted too. I didn't have a problem. But man, did it ever feel good. As dumb as that probably sounds, the emptiness i felt inside... that black hole... when i cut, it filled up. Even if it was with pain, i'd rather feel that then _nothing._

"Mello?" Matt mumured softly, awaking me from my daze.

I jumped upright, realizing where i was.

In the middle of Biology class, thats where. I silently wondered why of all times would i come to think of this? I usually day dream about other stuff.

Matt reached under the table and grabbed my hand. He squeezed it slightly. "You okay?" He mumured, stroking my thumb with his index finger. Butterflies shot of in my stomach. That happened whenever Matt touched me.

Ah, Matt. The best thing in my life, My best friend since 6th grade, and my boyfriend since 10th. (We were now in 11th)

"Yes." I sighed quietly, such a lie... "I was just thinking about something."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Matt replied.

"I'd prefer not too. Thanks, though." I frowned.

Matt examined my face for a second, before the teacher smacked her ruler upon our desks, getting our attention.

When the bell rang, I hurridley ran out of class. It was lunch time. I ran through the hall ways, tripping over every 8th grader in site. Eventually, i made it to my locker. I chucked my books inside, only to have them fall right back out again. I groaned, picking them up and setting them in a messy stack on one of the shelves of my locker. I closed it quickly, locked it and turned to run to the cafeteria.

I stopped when i felt stripped sleeved arms wrap around me, pulling me to a hault.

"Why such a rush, Mel?" A voice mumured, a voice that could only be reconized as Matt. "I'll walk you to the cafeteria. You seem unsteady today."

His hand gripped mine as we made our ways through the hall ways, getting the usual odd stares from the younger grades.

We entered the cafeteria, hands still intwined as we headed over to a table were Ryuzaki, Light, and Misa were seated. Misa was clinged to Light's arm, rubbing her cheek affectionatly into his sleeve. Light didn't seem to care, although he didn't seem to like her there, either.

"Hey Matt, Mello." Light piped up, lifting his hand in a wave. Misa automatically stopped, and waved too. Ryuzaki just sat there, munching at a hard candy and fiddling with a spoon.

We sat at the table beside them. Matt instantly got into deep conversation with Light. As they talked about the latest Calculus test, i subconciously ran my fingers over top of my wrists, tracing the jagged scars. I accidently touched a raw one. I flinched in pain, immediatly pulling my sleeve back over my arm.

Matt looks over at me, "What?"

I bit my lip. "Nothing, Nevermind." I attempted a cute smile, which probably looked horrible with my nasty scar on the side of my face. It was a burn wound from when i was little, i attempted the spitting fire trick. You know, the one where you put gasoline in your mouth and spit it out and light it? Yea, Don't try that. Chances are you'll do it wrong, like I did.

Matt nodds, his eyebrows furrowed a bit. I could tell he didn't believe me. It was obvious. I scratched my cheek awkwardly, drifting off into deep thought once again. My thoughts gripped me, the urge to cut rung through my ears, burning at my skin like wild fire, i bit my lip harder. I wouldn't. I wouldn't go to the washroom, lock up the stall and pull out my scalpel. I wasn't going to let that happen, not right now anyway.

"Hey, Mello, what did you think of the Calculus test?" A voice interupted my thoughts. My eyes fixed onto Ryuzaki, who was examining me curiously.

"Oh. Um. It was hard. I guess." I replied, making an attempt to seem like i was in the previous conversation. Ryuzaki shrugged, and went back to chatting with Light. Misa glared, but kept up a conversation with Matt about how hot the singer 'Gackt' was. Matt seemed unintrested, but at least made an attempt.

The lunch bell rang, and the cafeteria started to clear.

I followed Matt, Light and Ryuzaki into the crowded hallways. (Misa had ran off with Lights little sister, Sayu.) Though i had no idea what was going on in the conversation they were having. Feeling like an outcast, but yet i followed them, staring at my shoes. But soon enough, Light and Ryuzaki departchured else where. The silence passed between me and Matt was awkward as we walked through the hall ways, eventually splitting apart and heading to our classes.

**-----**

Crappy chapter, yeah?  
Oh well, it's good enough.  
NEXT CHAPTER: Matt gets suspicous.  
Sorry for this shamefully short chapter!

Death Note (c) not me

~ilovecreekanddipx3


	2. Suspicion

**Hello everyone! I apologize dearly for not updating this, and i might not be able to update it for a while after this either, so im giving out cookies and hug's to everyone. I haven't updated for the sake of my own recovery from Self Injury. So i'm very very sorry****  
Anywaayys.**

I guided my way through the hallway. Students were packed together like sardines, all pushing and shoving in an attempt to get to their lockers. I, however, wasn't in a rush.

Matt was behind me, his hand grasped a handful of the fabric from my shirt, trying not to loose me in the crowd. Slowly, we made our way to our lockers.

"God. Stupid rush hour." Matt muttered, brushing off his shoulder and straightening out his striped shirt.

I ignored his statement, the one he made almost everyday since we first attended this highschool. I tossed my un-needed books into my locker and grabbed my Calculus text book.

"Hey do you mind if I come to your place to study tonight?" Matt asked, twirling a piece of red hair around his finger. My eye twitched a little, he reminded me to much of Near when he did that.

"Sure." I shrugged, putting my text book in my bag. Both Matt and I knew that whenever he came over to study, we ended up playing Super Mario Bros.

Matt looked at me slyly. "And i'm serious. I need to pass the History test." He said.

Once again, _another_ line he always said. But like _I_ said. We never do.

"You'd think you'd be amazing at stuff on World War II." I muttered. "You're always playing those dumb video games."

Matt didn't say anything.

"Well, see you tonight." I dismissed, turning away from him.

I heard his voice, but it was muffled by the sound of the noisy hallway.

...

"Mum, i'm home." I yelled, opening the door to my small home. I kicked off my shoes in the doorway and made my way to the kitchen.

My mom, Lindsey, was standing at the sink, washing dishes. She turned to look at me. "How was your day at school, hun?"

"Fine." I replied meekly. "I'm going to my room." I said, then remebered; "Oh. Mum, by the way, Matt is coming over tonight."

"Oh, is he?" She furrowed her eyebrow, examining me. "What for?"

"We're studying for the History exam." I replied, flushed. My mom _did _know about me and Matt's relationship. It was embarsing what she assumed we were going to do.

She returned to washing her dishes, not saying anything else.

I turned away from the kitchen, heading up the stairs. I breathed a sigh of relief. I was just glad my Mum wasn't drunk.

My Mom was an alcoholic, and was drunk about 80% of the time. She was scary when she was, though. She was an angry drunk. She'd come after me with anything she could get her hands on. Once, she threw a pot of coffee at me, and i was sent to the hospital with 2nd degree burns.

Once i reached my room, i tossed my bag on the floor and made my way over to my bed, dodging the obsticales of dirty laundry and video game cases. My orange kitten, Kyo, was sleeping on my window sill, snoring loudly. As quietly as possible, I made my bed, making sure there was no wrinkles in the sheets. I threw my dirty clothes into a hamper and picked up everything off the floor. Gradually, my floor became visible. Once i was satisfied with the result, I dived onto my bed and closed my eyes, sighing.

Suddenly, i felt my wrist tingling.

I tried to drown out my thoughts, get rid of the temptations. But they wouldn't go away. I battled with myself for a while, but the thoughts were taking over me.

_Fuck._ I thought, as I got off my bed, heading to the bathroom. I closed the door and locked it. I turned on the tap and opened the filing cabinet. I grabbed a scapel and shut it. I setteled my butt on the sink counter and rolled up my sleeve, deciding where I would cut. I found a spot between a 2 week old cut and an old scar. I pressed the blade down on my skin. I closed my eyes as i pushed harder. I breathed heavily as I dug further. My neck was slowly arching as the pain got worse and worse. I gasped quietly as i found sweet release. I pulled the blade away, examining the scarlet liquid pouring off my wrist. I sighed sadly, splashing water on it. I watched as the water stained with red disapeared down the drain.

Furious that I let myself give into this again, i stormed back to my room, almost kicking Kyo. (who just happened to be standing at the doorway.)

"Mello!" I heard my Mum's voice call from downstairs. "Matt's here!"

**To be continued soon!**


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